Haven’t you ever taken a step back and realized there will always be that one person who will surpass you in everything you strive to do? Doesn’t it feel like a punch in the gut to know you will never be the best?
It’s almost as if, every day is a shot in the dark and a leap of faith. I’ve always been taught that you’ll have to lose some to gain some and that’s my daily schedule. I put a boat-load of faith in myself just in case others won’t. I surround myself with people that are so talented, strong, and well-rounded as an inspiration but there are moments when those inspirations are just comparisons that I can’t live up to.
I don’t know if what I’m doing is right, but the pushing and prevailing is getting harder to do.
When you’re with someone for a long period a time, that person becomes a part of you. A part that you know like the back of your hand. Once you break up and both of you grow and change, you’ll still always know them on a level that no one else has. Just like how you know the back of your hand, but as you get old and your hands grow wrinkled, it’s still the same hand, just with rougher edges. That’s sort of how I see it.
You get so used to each other, which for me, is a scary thing. You get used to the rhythm in their voice when they talk. You become accustomed to their body and how to make yours fit perfectly. You get used to their heartbeat and how their eye twitches when they get mad. You get used to small things, that you may not even notice until things end, and you have to completely relearn everything about someone else.
But no matter how much your ex changes, you’ll still know everything about them. How their mind works, what they’re thinking, how their body fits yours. I think that’s what you fall in love with. A collection of the small things. It’s really intimate when you think about it.
And isn’t it funny how people you once loved can still be a part of you years later? How sometimes you still hear their voice in your head saying something they would have said? Isn’t it funny how no matter how far you two grow apart, how close you will always be?
I felt so low. Then I reached an epiphany and thought I was ready for something new. I was at my highest, feeling mighty, strong, and protected. But from all the way up there, something pushed me and I fell hard. Back to rock bottom.
What the hell though? How can I be dealing with my current schedule while I feel like this?
I’m in this world for now, and in the mean time I’m alone. Kinda sucks.